Bursting my Brit-speaking bubble

After a good week (I have adopted George`s habit of rummaging through refuse and found pirate copies of Friends series 5 and some American films, including A Clockwork Orange, by my rubbish point; Takashi-san confirming our trip for Nikko for next Sunday; giving Ken another lesson in exchange for Sapporo; praciticing my Russian with Eto; and deciphering Ryu-san`s texts correctly), I have had a really shitty day: almost everything that could have gone wrong did. I attempted to get to work extra early so I could plan and then learn some rude Japanese (the swear words just stick easier somehow!), I gave the rapid service a try. I asked in stuttering, but understandable, Japanese if it was the right train for Kitamoto and was told it was. The woman I asked even checked with other commuters and I was shuffled onboard. On the train, I could barely read the no smoking sign for the fumes and gave up reading my book for fear of eyestrain, so gazed out of the window; as the rice fields and nothingness shot past, realisation dawned and I found myself whizzing towards the next big commuter town - a bad 3o minutes away from my desired stop.

I had to call head off and `fess up to my boss, who was remarkably calm considering it is the third time I have been late to this school. As I explained my original intention of getting their early was sabotaged by over-eager Japanese trying to find me a train, any train, he laughed and asked what was it about me and Saturday mornings. It`s certainly nothing to do with me and Friday nights. Last night I stayed in and watched the Japanese version of Dark Water - now, that is a scary film! The American version is a cartoon in comparison. No one can do sinister and threatening in quite the same way as a Japanese child with hair combed over its face.

Once I got to the next stop, I only had a brief wait until the next train, but things were still going wrong. My shoes have fallen off every time I`ve approached a train today - they gave me blisters in England, but here they won`t stay on my feet. If this means I can buy native-sized shoes, I won`t complain, but I`m guessing I`m not so lucky. I accidentally turfed a student (Minako, my women`s rights campaigner) out of a lesson 15 minutes early (although it did mean I got an unscheduled toilet break and she was quite forgiving once she discovered that political demos were a hobby of mine - if anyone would like to post me articles on domestic abuse or women`s rights, it might just help me soothe her further). I also keep dropping things and making baka mistakes. I said I was baka (stupid) in a kids` lesson today (the ones pictures with Kasumi in her kimono last week) and three of the girls started trying to give me a massage. It is a shame it was too weird to let them continute. I am not sure how 8-year-olds get to be good at such things, but they were.

On the bright side, I have stolen some teabags from the internet cafe (even in England I couldn`t justify Assam, Darjeling and Earl Grey), recruited a 3 year-old Bear Cub (so I get to play with him in what`s now a class of two and therefore a bit easier and get GBP2.50 into the bargain!) and have lined up some extra teaching work for January - it`s an extra GBP25 for a couple of hours each Sunday and condoned by the boss. It will mean quite a few early starts Sundays and therefore early finishes on Saturdays, but that shouldn`t be impossible - and as it`s just free con, I can probably manage that still pissed.

I am missing my CD collection. I have some and also cadged a free copy of Kanye West`s latest album from another teacher who was commenting what a pointless gift he`d received as he already had it (it was begging the begging), but am desperate to hear Wichita Linesman, Forever Changes and (Charlie, I hope you are reading this - it is an ideal Christmas gift for me, easy and free - Usher `Caught Up`. I am so street since I moved Streatham...). I do have a Ken Hirai unplugged amongst my free videos, although if it is actually that I don`t know. I tried to watch Charlie`s Angels and found Southampton vs. West Brom.

My nice ADoS left yesterday, which is a shame, he is brilliant in so many ways (except handsome - now I am in Japan, I am perpetually prepared to fend of match-making). I stormed into the office in an unreasonably bad mood because the grammar book I had my eye on had been bought by someone else (or put aside by the shop assistant when my card failed to work the previous day, but I couldn`t express this to the new assistant), and asked if he knew anywhere decent near Head Office. He asked what I wanted and filled my arms with Japanese reference books. It should only be a couple of years before Cherry Boy and I can communicate effectively... Because of the saving he made me, I have invested in Making Out In Japanese, so I can encourage or dump him, accordingly. Aside from saving me money, Matt will be a genuine loss. He`s sweet, funny and very smart. I did try to tell him I appreciated having a boss who is a decent and good person (I have generally had them, but it doesn`t mean I don`t feel lucky!), but when I relayed the story to Karen she made it sound weird... Ah well, Omiya`s loss is Singapore`s gain.

The news in Japan has been quite grim lately. An architect forged data so half of Tokyo`s new hotels and apartments are not seismic-safe (maybe not half, but he did have a hand in a fair few projects) and a young girl was abducted and left to die in a cardboard box. The news is very gossipy and tells you things you wouldn`t expect to hear in Britain. It also has lots more vox pops from the locals and those affected, although the brevity of the subject matter is undermined by the Japanese not being able to not smile when on camera. Widescale media training is in order. I may have found myself a new niche.

Better go. Tonight I am giving myself a crash `date Japanese` course in preparation for tomorrow night. I already have `you`re attractive` `more` and `absolutely not` jotted down ready... Next week I will learn more sensible and sociable phrases with the fabulous, and almost fluent, Takashi-san.