The Wedding Album

Since I`ve returned from Osaka, there really hasn`t been a great deal to do (aside from prompting accusations of excessive drinking which are hugely out of proportion when you watch the rest of this alkie nation), so I have been taking myself and my books to a cafe and eeking out one cup of coffee for six hours, like everyone else in Omiya. It`s not frowned upon in any way and there are free jugs of iced water, should you happen to get thirsty. On my first visit, I was sandwiched between a dozing Salaryman who propped himself up with a ballpoint pen and an old man checking the form. My poor eyesight and the nation`s androgyny led me to ogle a girl in a unisex hat for a while. She would have been amazing as a boy. What a shame for her.

On my second trip, I was surrounded by teachers whose only words I could understand were related to studying and provoked massive guilt; two over-amorous lovers giving the most outlandish display of affection I have yet seen in Japan (it is just not done here and they laugh at foreigners drunkenly snogging in public) as they caressed each other and hand-fed one another a dry-looking bun; and two old men who were discussing something `cute` on the internet (although the word has a far more pervasive meaning here and almost everyone and everything can fall under the term).

I`ve added some pictures of the family wedding. These are for me more than anyone else, although you might be interested in my brother`s new in-laws... The cats have just been included because they are beautiful. They`re Ivy and Willow, Tammi`s babies.

Right now, I am sat next to a Japanese blogger as I type. I think the phenomenon may be bigger here than in America. Even Ryu-san has one, which he showed me, along with his three entries relating to his sickness, when I let slip I didn`t believe he had been so terribly ill the previous day and on the Hoegaarden the next. I think rather than being a liar, he is actually a weakling, although it is apparently his New Year`s resolution to go to the gym. He also wants to grow his hair long and get himself a moustache. I hope it was a misunderstanding when he agreed with all seriousness as I laughed and said I had a better chance of growing one (that said, it is true - he hadn`t shaved for three days and his chin felt like a schoolgirl`s knee - or how I would imagine it would feel, should I ever have any cause to touch one). I ran into him last night. His friends came into the George and immediately left, prompting me to imagine I had been dumped. I ran into him in another bar in the same building and tried to duck away when I saw he was in there, but had been seen and the barman fished me out of the lift, telling me Ryu-san is shy and I should go to talk to him (this is an incredulous lie, although I was too embarrassed to realise this until far later). We managed a fairly reasonable conversation for once, although I suspect it is more to do with his studies than mine. All I could say is `are you serious?` and `really?`. We got there though, I even managed to stick in a couple of hints for a kitten and pass them off as a joke. This seems to be OK, I can only imagine Japanese women demand gifts regularly. My friends have already noticed there are a certain breed who end conversations once they realise their prospective dates are English teachers and therefore relatively poor.

The more I learn about Japanese culture, the more faux pas I am aware I`ve committed (aside from the ones like telling my boss to sod off when he ignored my warmest parting regards on his last night that I have simply accepted as me being drunken me). It seems as well as not wearing my socks to Hidako`s house and so smearing her floors with my mucky paw prints, I also should have pointed my shoes in the right direction. In spite of all these rules of behaviour, the Japanese can still be exceptionally rude. I think they are just a nation of proud OCD sufferers. It does seem, however, calling a man a liar is universally disapproved of.

In a minute, I`m off round Sean`s to see if he`s been accepted by the local DVD store. Entry is by fickle acceptance only. One friend was refused admission until they could prove their Japanese was of a high enough standard and another told, in clear English, that he simply wouldn`t understand the rules and sent on his way. It may be another night of Family Guy, but I am more than happy with that.

I see poor Charles Kennedy has had to step down. What a shame. In solidarity with him, I may consider stopping drinking. People at home are worrying me with their comments about my `excesses` and out here, when people don`t already know and like you, they have less reason to forgive you for being a constant twat.