Playing dress-up

My Japanese class all got to play dress up this week. Instead of our usual modern classroom, we met in the washitsu (Japanese style room), complete with tatami mats and sliding doors, and were greeted by a circle of kneeling housewives and kimono spread across the floor. In the centre was the most dazzling emerald green kimono, which the ladies were discussing who should wear. As I was one of the first to arrive and a relative veteran (so they knew my name), I was chosen as the demonstration model.

I was led behind a screen and undressed by a mannish old lady with bad breath (most unfortunate as I spent the next twenty or so minutes with her gasping in my face). The sensible underwear paid off. My normal, sluttish attire would have had them gossiping for weeks. She put a linin jacket and wrap-around skirt over me and then led me in front of the class, where I was joined by Chris, a lanky Australian boy who had been chosen to demonstrate the men`s one. Unfortunately, being so lanky his white towelling sports socks jutted out of the bottom and ruined the look. It was amazing though. I can now understand completely why brides opt for big, opulant dresses. It was such an incredible feeling to wear something so grand and so different to my normal stuff. Having to shuffle around in inch-short steps, I was forced to act more delicately and feminitely than I have ever managed before in my life. Having to lower myself to kneel and raise myself up again, was quite a feat, but one I managed without the fanfare I imagined I deserved.

Later we also got to try on the red Edo period coat - hanging behind me in the top picture. It`s for a princess`s wedding and was ridiculously heavy. I was one of the bulkier women there and it weighed me down enormously. How a dainty native would ever stand up straight in it, I have no idea. It was a wonderful day`s fun and I spent most of my day either beaming like a goon or considering ways of hoiking up my skirt to get more speed to nick it (the envious looks I got from all the other Westerners showed mine was clearly one of the most beautiful ones there and I very reluctantly offered it to a Korean who was refusing all attempts to get changed into one of the shabbier, daywear ones). They still look very strange on foreigners, but the ladies had done a very good job of picking out colours to suit all of us - there are all sort of weird shapes and sizes in that class now - now I just have to find out which lady lent me hers and hope she`ll adopt me as a faux daughter... I can`t believe that I was considering, during my night out with Joe on Tuesday, having one more beer and skipping the whole adventure!

The rest of the week has been fairly uneventful. Tuesday I met up with Joe and we got tipsy in praise of Japanese boys, one of whom nearly vomitted in the next booth to us - he`d probably had three beers instead of his usual two. He was the colour of parchment and was bouncing off the walls on the way to the toilet, but his `friends` kept dragging him out, only for him to need to run back and throw up again. Eventually, they dragged him out to the lift where he collapsed in a heap while they paid the bill.

I`ve said goodbye to some of my students as our schedules change for the new school year. A couple of them made me particularly sad. Yuki, a very naughty, bright little boy brought in sweets for us all to say goodbye (I`m keeping it as a momento rather than eating it as it had been in his pocket for at least a whole lesson) and then lurked around outside the school waving in through the window as I tucked into my bento. Ryo and Akira, two very bright (Ryo`s English is incredible, as is his uber-cool attitude - he even stands at a laid back angle) and amusing students have just started high school and so have graduated to another level and a different teacher`s class. Some of the girls have also left their class, but they are all quite simpering and bitchy, so I feel no lose. The boys are no nonsense and fun. It`s times like this when my minute Japanese vocabulary frustrates me, although I did manage to say I`d miss one of the kids (or possibly `I have been missing you` - I hope they got the gist).

I had to give a 12-year-old boy a taiken, after which I heard him telling the receptionist it wasn`t even a little bit fun - I am no good with teenage boys, someone needs to take note of this and stop giving me lessons with them. That said, the star jumper came up trumps this week when we dribble-drilled foods and he came out with `nuts` and I couldn`t help but laugh. The biggest juvenile in that class is 28.

On Wednesday, Ayano proudly showed off her older brother to me. He`s on Spring holiday so came into school with her. He`s recently won a gold award for English, but was too shy and enthralled by the female gaijin to display his talents. He couldn`t stop staring at me (I am not sure if this was in a good or a bad way, he just looked shocked!), so much so that as he was walking out of the class he tripped over the doorstep and went flying!

My last lesson with Toshiyuki is not one I`ll lament. He drove me insane for thirty minutes claiming not to understand any of the questions and reading his grammar book whilst ignoring me. I eventually had to close it and take it off him as it was only telling him the same as me (and in the same words, so he can`t have not understood me). I did manage to stop myself asking why he bothered paying for a teacher - particularly pointless as he`s not going to be doing that as of next week! He asked me once too often what was the subject and what the object of the questions we were studying and drove me to doubt myself so that this morning I was sat in bed confirming the dictionary definitions, even though I already know them.

Today I went into Ueno to check out the cherry blossom. It`s all right, but I`m not bowled over by it. Being in Japan, it`s obscured by cables, banners and buildings and there were throngs of annoying people ruining the view. It`s quite pretty and all, but I prefer my trees green. On Sunday, I`m off to a hanami party, which might change my mind. You sit under trees and get drunk looking up at the pink flowers. Legend has it, it can send you mad, but it`s far more likely to be the sake.

On the way to Ueno, I was caught out by an early April Fool`s. Raj emailed to ask where I was as I was supposed to be on cover and a quake of panic rippled through me as I considered having to get on a homebound train, change into my work clothes and miss out on the sakura, but as he shouted `April Fool` I replied with `cunt` safe in the knowledge that I could say it as loudly as I wanted and people would only be tutting because I was talking on my phone.