Playing dress-up

My Japanese class all got to play dress up this week. Instead of our usual modern classroom, we met in the washitsu (Japanese style room), complete with tatami mats and sliding doors, and were greeted by a circle of kneeling housewives and kimono spread across the floor. In the centre was the most dazzling emerald green kimono, which the ladies were discussing who should wear. As I was one of the first to arrive and a relative veteran (so they knew my name), I was chosen as the demonstration model.

I was led behind a screen and undressed by a mannish old lady with bad breath (most unfortunate as I spent the next twenty or so minutes with her gasping in my face). The sensible underwear paid off. My normal, sluttish attire would have had them gossiping for weeks. She put a linin jacket and wrap-around skirt over me and then led me in front of the class, where I was joined by Chris, a lanky Australian boy who had been chosen to demonstrate the men`s one. Unfortunately, being so lanky his white towelling sports socks jutted out of the bottom and ruined the look. It was amazing though. I can now understand completely why brides opt for big, opulant dresses. It was such an incredible feeling to wear something so grand and so different to my normal stuff. Having to shuffle around in inch-short steps, I was forced to act more delicately and feminitely than I have ever managed before in my life. Having to lower myself to kneel and raise myself up again, was quite a feat, but one I managed without the fanfare I imagined I deserved.

Later we also got to try on the red Edo period coat - hanging behind me in the top picture. It`s for a princess`s wedding and was ridiculously heavy. I was one of the bulkier women there and it weighed me down enormously. How a dainty native would ever stand up straight in it, I have no idea. It was a wonderful day`s fun and I spent most of my day either beaming like a goon or considering ways of hoiking up my skirt to get more speed to nick it (the envious looks I got from all the other Westerners showed mine was clearly one of the most beautiful ones there and I very reluctantly offered it to a Korean who was refusing all attempts to get changed into one of the shabbier, daywear ones). They still look very strange on foreigners, but the ladies had done a very good job of picking out colours to suit all of us - there are all sort of weird shapes and sizes in that class now - now I just have to find out which lady lent me hers and hope she`ll adopt me as a faux daughter... I can`t believe that I was considering, during my night out with Joe on Tuesday, having one more beer and skipping the whole adventure!

The rest of the week has been fairly uneventful. Tuesday I met up with Joe and we got tipsy in praise of Japanese boys, one of whom nearly vomitted in the next booth to us - he`d probably had three beers instead of his usual two. He was the colour of parchment and was bouncing off the walls on the way to the toilet, but his `friends` kept dragging him out, only for him to need to run back and throw up again. Eventually, they dragged him out to the lift where he collapsed in a heap while they paid the bill.

I`ve said goodbye to some of my students as our schedules change for the new school year. A couple of them made me particularly sad. Yuki, a very naughty, bright little boy brought in sweets for us all to say goodbye (I`m keeping it as a momento rather than eating it as it had been in his pocket for at least a whole lesson) and then lurked around outside the school waving in through the window as I tucked into my bento. Ryo and Akira, two very bright (Ryo`s English is incredible, as is his uber-cool attitude - he even stands at a laid back angle) and amusing students have just started high school and so have graduated to another level and a different teacher`s class. Some of the girls have also left their class, but they are all quite simpering and bitchy, so I feel no lose. The boys are no nonsense and fun. It`s times like this when my minute Japanese vocabulary frustrates me, although I did manage to say I`d miss one of the kids (or possibly `I have been missing you` - I hope they got the gist).

I had to give a 12-year-old boy a taiken, after which I heard him telling the receptionist it wasn`t even a little bit fun - I am no good with teenage boys, someone needs to take note of this and stop giving me lessons with them. That said, the star jumper came up trumps this week when we dribble-drilled foods and he came out with `nuts` and I couldn`t help but laugh. The biggest juvenile in that class is 28.

On Wednesday, Ayano proudly showed off her older brother to me. He`s on Spring holiday so came into school with her. He`s recently won a gold award for English, but was too shy and enthralled by the female gaijin to display his talents. He couldn`t stop staring at me (I am not sure if this was in a good or a bad way, he just looked shocked!), so much so that as he was walking out of the class he tripped over the doorstep and went flying!

My last lesson with Toshiyuki is not one I`ll lament. He drove me insane for thirty minutes claiming not to understand any of the questions and reading his grammar book whilst ignoring me. I eventually had to close it and take it off him as it was only telling him the same as me (and in the same words, so he can`t have not understood me). I did manage to stop myself asking why he bothered paying for a teacher - particularly pointless as he`s not going to be doing that as of next week! He asked me once too often what was the subject and what the object of the questions we were studying and drove me to doubt myself so that this morning I was sat in bed confirming the dictionary definitions, even though I already know them.

Today I went into Ueno to check out the cherry blossom. It`s all right, but I`m not bowled over by it. Being in Japan, it`s obscured by cables, banners and buildings and there were throngs of annoying people ruining the view. It`s quite pretty and all, but I prefer my trees green. On Sunday, I`m off to a hanami party, which might change my mind. You sit under trees and get drunk looking up at the pink flowers. Legend has it, it can send you mad, but it`s far more likely to be the sake.

On the way to Ueno, I was caught out by an early April Fool`s. Raj emailed to ask where I was as I was supposed to be on cover and a quake of panic rippled through me as I considered having to get on a homebound train, change into my work clothes and miss out on the sakura, but as he shouted `April Fool` I replied with `cunt` safe in the knowledge that I could say it as loudly as I wanted and people would only be tutting because I was talking on my phone.

Grant my final wish

Kazuha, the girl in pink, gave me three origami balls yesterday. I have no idea what to do with them, but it was quite a sweet gift. She`s one of my Early Birds - it`s a class for kids who have some English and need to learn the first Lower Elementary text quickly to get up-to-speed for the next academic year. I really like these classes - all the kids seem genuinely nice (Takumasu, my favourite karake expert is one of these) - and I`ve already taught all of the language a thousand times so can cobble a fun lesson together with my eyes closed. Something of a blessing at Kitamoto school as they work me like a bitch. Damn franchises and their targets.

Last night was Grant`s leaving do, so despite swearing myself away for the umpteenth time, I found myself heading down the perilous steps to the George once more. I took Atsuko with me, hoping she`s take Ito off my hands (I think they would both actually hate each other, but like them both so imagine they`d make a good couple - for me, at least), but he was on a business trip. Apparently, he`d been very cagey about our badminton `date` with George and needed three shots before he`d own up to having seen me.

I took less money out than I wanted to so I would have to leave on time, but once again excitement and gin got the better of me. I met Nathan, a fellow Omiya teacher, who`s from Chelmsford and has also been to Dukes and was set up with a Japanese guy who barely speaks any English (discussing hobbies was a challenge - particularly as his are `surfing and dribing`). I had to get Raj to send the ADoS over to rescue me, which he did fabulously by announcing that the coming Setsumeikei is not for another four months - completely beyond the comprehension of poor Daisuke. Last time I saw him he was wearing a rabbit-skin jacket, so I almost wish we`d been crueller about it, but I think the girl that set me up with him is a bit vicious and might have my eyes out in an izakaya toilet.

Stupidly, I borrowed cash from the Bank of O`Leary and stayed well past my bedtime, strumbling over the bridge into West Omiya at about 4am. I had to go to Cafe Lamp this morning and drunkenly set my alarm an hour earlier than I needed to, so I have literally had three hours sleep. Cafe Lamp might have to be knocked on the head soon. This morning two old men joined my group and both of them were hellish in different ways. One spoke English in an unintelligibly bad accent (ironically, on the subject of how difficult it is to understand Scottish and northern accents), in mind-numbingly long bursts that were impossible to cut short (he should have passed out from lack of oxygen, he gave himself no time to breathe). The other was just a typical old Japanese man, assuming everyone owed him the world. I asked the table to introduce themselves and one of the poorer speakers was making a bit of a meal of it, so the old man butted in and insisted that everyone should have a turn (him having had his already), so the younger man stopped and we asked if he had anything to say, but he said no, just that everyone should have a go. Then there was an awkward silence as no one dared to speak. Old prick.

Afterwards I went for an Indian with some of the nicer students (a bizarre lunch, but also very good!) and then went pigeon-shopping with Aki. We tried on stupid hats in Loft and stalked my hairdresser, who selfishly put himself upstairs so we couldn`t stare at him. I think she needs a bit of a trim though, so maybe we`ll go back.

Blow-outs are the new black

Tuesday I met Ito for a bizarre, badminton-centred date.　I hadn`t realised this when we made the arrangement and considering he was 10 minutes late, I wish I had so I could have got the huff. Anything goes for a date here, something I ought to be more careful of.

I had thought he would guide me through a sports shop to buy a sensibly-priced, semi-professional racket and then lead me to a public court. Instead, we picked up a kiddies` play set at Loft and had a knock-about in the park. It was good fun and remarkably good exercise (I still ache a tiny bit), but even my poorest display was vastly superior to Ito`s and I had to try to restrain myself from attempting to score a point; something you have to be fairly good to manage. It was painful watching a fat old man losing badly when trying desperately to impress. As we parted, I gave him a misguided goodbye hug and he held me too tight, so I had to wrench myself free. I have still not replied to his `I have so much fun when I am with you` message. Something many people will consider heartless, but something I see as showing the success of my assimilation. Blow-outs are not done here.

After that, I met my favourite, now ex-student, Takashi-san for a bit of Asian food. I over-ordered substantially but packed it all away anyway. After two small beers, he had loosened up enough to ask if there was a special word for girls like Lara. Lara is a JET he has chastely courted for the past couple of months and who he chickened out of `fessing up to on a recent over-night ski trip, thereby pushing her into the arms of a half-Australian English teacher (unless you go native, you really do have to scrape the bottom of the boy-barrel out here). I wanted to suggest `disappointed`, but I know Takashi-san would have been gutted to have to imagine their romance was dashed because of his inaction. Instead, he had a brief lesson on how `pricktease` and `leading on` were not entirely appropriate for the situation.

Wednesday I went to my Japanese class, then had a frantic afternoon trying to find suitable underwear for next week`s lesson. No handsome new students have joined, but we get to wear kimonos and our teachers help us dress, so I expect to be on display. I hope it is only one-to-one and not the whole class as one of my fellow students, Sarah, can`t help but say hideously offensive things (as is often the case here, it seems - so many people seem to have arrived because England won`t have them) and I can`t bear the idea of her passing loud, public comment on my attire or physique. Anyway, shopping was a fairly depressing exercise. Most of the larges were a bit snug, although I have seen bigger arses than mine in Japan.

After that, I took myself to Saitama Resona Ginko to apply for a credit card. I was all ready with my `is there anyone here who speaks English` when I was ushered towards the same small woman who helped me with transferring cash to Rachel after Christmas (I got over-excited with cheap cushions and she helped me out, bless her). She took me through the form, only to realise I should fill it in in romaji (English) and not katakana (baby Japanese), so I had to do it all again. Then I ticked the `no wife` box by mistake and had to start again. Then, the lady at the counter became upset that my name was not in the same order as my initial application (I came in as Zoe MacGechan, but have sinced learned they prefer MacGechan Zoe and was trying to be helpful).

After all this faffing, I was placed in a seat and asked to wait slightly. I was then beckoned over and offered either a complimentary blanket or a cup for my troubles. I went for the cup with a lid and little gully for tealeaves, but man, I wish I had that blanket. The lady at the counter had to deliberate some more (while they are accused of being efficient, I think this is merely a euphimism for painstakingly slow), so I pleased myself by passing pleasantries with the small lady. We `chatted` about cherry blossom and I told her I was from London. My first genuine Japanese conversation. That she was a random housewife whose English was as passable as my Japanese, made me feel slightly embarrassed, but she seemed very impressed by my efforts.

Wednesday night, I met up with Sean for dinner, though we were driven out of the okonomiyake place by the staff shouts that greet every order and a twenty minute wait. We did manage to neck a cup of complimentary tea before deciding to try something new. On the way I went to the cinema to get myself a ticket for the late show and was feeling very independent in Japan, until the girl almost sent me into Narnia as I didn`t pronounce `Munich` `Muhen`. We plumped for burgers, where Sean sent my beer pouring over the table and the seat. We tried to clean it up ourselves, but another diner ran for help (I don`t know how to even start saying any of this in Japanese yet). Then I took myself to the flicks.

Yesterday I was meant to dine with Atsuko and Raj, although knew Raj had been gearing up for a blow-out from the moment Atsuko mentioned it to him, but prepared myself some lunch of mixed rice, which had been stored in my non-freezing freezer for longer than it should have been. I wasn`t properly ill, but the thought of an izakaya brought me out in a hot sweat so I went home and salad and plain rice. Later, I mustered up the courage to take on a glass of wine, but no more than that.

Today I had a much-longed for lie-in. My curtains let in the light, so I have been waking up at dawn every morning. Last night, I draped every blanket I own over them and slept soundly. This afternoon, as a special treat, I took myself to see Suzuki-san and now have overly-short hair. It`s nice though - his trip to Vidal Sassoon was not wasted. We had a lovely chat and I was able to say the odd encouraging word in Japanese as he snipped away, but `I`m growing it` is still beyond my abilities. I got introduced to the other customers as his girlfriend, and was overly-excited by it, then got to look through the photos of his trip. He has more, in his apartment apparently, but I felt it a bit forward to invite myself round (I had forgotten the difference between `show me` and `look`). Maybe next time. The man seems obsessed with pigeons - there were masses of pictures of dirty old birds, the worst of the worst, in his album, so if anyone has any pigeon memorabilia they can send me, please do!

Vernal Equinox Day

Today, day and night are roughly the same length. I hope this means I get to sleep longer tonight. Last night I had a random dream about almost forgetting my wellies. I can`t imagine what that might mean to someone with a dream dictionary.

It`s also a national holiday, so the banks are closed, meaning I have to wait until tomorrow to apply for my Japanese credit card and therefore have to wait even longer for my marvellous new friend, the Mac G4 iBook. Damn it. Everyone in Japan is supposed to visit the grave of a dead relative today, although most seem to be worshipping at more consumerist shrines, from what I`ve seen so far.

In a few minutes I`m off to play badminton with a Japanese salaryman. He`s got to accompany me to buy a racket, and hopefully give me his old tennis racket too. I am getting into hobbies in a big way suddenly. As of April, I hope to return to the saddle, as Jery has also offered to take me riding (he needs to learn and then teach me the words for trot, canter, gallop and jump first, or it could all go horribly wrong). It seems letting him feed me intestines is paying off.

My big day out

The School of Rock band, Junk, played on Saturday night so I tasted my first Japanese gig. It was bittersweet. Raju and I dashed to Kita Urawa from Kitamoto school (where I had to get changed in the toilets, although the receptionist I occasionally work with claimed this was too much information - yet other receptionists rant about diahorrea with enthusiasm!), downing a couple of chu-his on the train. Knowing this is now outlawed in England, rather than just frowned upon, gave us added pleasure. If only we`d thought it through and packed a few more for the gig. Japanese concert venues apparently shut the bar when the band plays. A small murmur of discontent rose to out and out disgust when the penny dropped.

Afterwards, I bullied everyone into going to the George so we wouldn`t have to share a tab in an izakaya (it`s fine if there are small numbers, but I refuse to subsidise a pack of beer-hungry Brits when I can bully gullible Japanese salarymen into funding my alcoholism). It was perhaps a mistake as my sushi and rice balls hadn`t adequately lined my stomach and so I spent yesterday reeling. I also left my phone in the pub (people just don`t steal here, so it was relatively safe) and spent the whole day feeling like I was missing a limb.

My friend Jery, a married salaryman who is potentially trying to woo me by quoting the gospel according the Luke (don`t fall into the trap of excessive drinking...), took me on a day-trip to Tokyo. We stopped off at Harajuku, where the streets are usually lined with the freaks in the picture. Only a handful were out yesterday, but they still obligingly posed for all the tourists asking to take pictures of their weirdness. This, apparently, is not offensive. We did a quick tour of the local shrine and peeked on three weddings taking place there - `very rich people` Jery told me, with not insignificant awe.

We then fought through the crowds to get a look at the end of the St Patrick`s Day parade. I think I was supposed to be very impressed by Jery`s thoughtfulness at taking me to it, but I hadn`t been aware that it even was St Patrick`s Day and, not being Irish, have never bothered marking the occasion before. I rambled something about most people at home being wrecked on Guinness and think I got away with it. Playing the alcoholic gaijin card works wonders at times. The parade was a strange affair. We only caught the tail end, but it was more like a bored gathering of Japanese clubs than anything gaelic. I saw a total of three drunken Irishmen and everyone else was nihonjin. There were unicyclists (yawn), jugglers (ugh), Irish dancers (not dancing) and a group of randoms waving Shane McGowan posters.

After that, Jery attempted to get romantic by taking me over Rainbow Bridge to a huge shopping centre. We took a stroll by Tokyo`s fake beach, where the wind made his eyes water and nearly pushed us over. The skyline is unbelieveable and makes London look like a village.

We passed a restaurant for dogs - owners can go in and take their pets with them and there is even a menu for dogs, including meatballs with a bone. It`s next door to a dog shop, so we went in and fondled the merchandise. We`d also seen a cat shop advertised and I said I`d like to go there, but it took us almost an hour, possibly longer to find. Maybe it is only the people I know, but the Japanese seem to have no sense of direction. The only times I have been genuinely lost here have been when I`ve been following a native.

The cat shop was completely worth the trip. It was amazing. I have fallen in love with an Abyssian and when I can afford it, I intend to treat myself to at least one of these beauties. There was a back area in the shop which you had to pay to get into, Jery obliged (even faux Japanese dates are excellent and free!), and we entered a fake house crammed with cats. My ideal home. There was even a little display. Two cats were dressed in traditional Japanese attire, a tabby as a samurai and an American short-hair as the lady, in a cloak which it constantly shook off and was forced back into. They had to complete a small assault course to get some treats, but the American was so pissed off she wouldn`t be bought for any treats and lashed out at her handler and the other cats nearby. Stupidly, the shop assistants gave this cat to a young girl to handle. An older girl who just stepped up to make up the numbers won with the more obliging samurai.

After that we went for yakiniku, where I accidentally ate liver (it`s not so bad here) and was forced to try kidney and pigs` intestine after laughing at the menu (softly pigs` innards) and being told it was actually very good. It wasn`t and I was left with the awful metallic aftertaste of kidneys in my mouth. I then headed back to the George to collect my phone, only to be told it wasn`t there. I then tried to check if it was in the Koban, but had to fill in a police report and my Japanese doesn`t yet include `lost` which made for a difficult conversation! Fortunately, almost everyone in Japan has a little English so we muddled through. I gave one last-ditch attempt at calling my phone and Sean answered, so I had to head back to the George to collect it for real. I got it from him and found a text from Karen telling me Sean had my phone. I honestly think she`s a little retarded.

I want it, I want it, I want it!

I had not expected to be typing this in the internet cafe, but sadly I can hear the rustle of hand wipes and random phone ringtones all around me. I have just got back from an exhausting and depressing trip to Akihabara`s Electric Town where I met, fell in love with and was refused a Mac iBook. This beautiful little thing will be mine next month. This isn`t like a boy, it can`t escape. I had hoped to try out Japan`s wonderful hire-purchase system, whereby you break down the cost over as many or as few months as you like (between three and 60) at what seems to be no extra charge. Unfortunately, the Mac shop insists that the purchaser understands the contract rather than having it explained to them and it is only provided in Japanese. A thinly veiled attempt to stop foreigners buying nice stuff and skipping the country.

Excess and open racism is par for the course here. If it is thinly veiled, that is a sign of modernity and tact. I have often recommended to my students, if they find it difficult to remember or use a new language structure, to write something for me to check. The process generally makes it stick and I can see where they are going wrong. Yukiko, the Daily Mailian diarist, took me up on my suggestion and recently submitted some attempts with `used to`, `to be used to` and `to get used to` which she was finding difficult. Apparently, with no shame at handing this over to a non-Japanese, she wrote she`has got used to meeting foreigners`. I questioned whether this was the appropriate use as you can only `get used to` something which is difficult or strange. I am expecting a blunt direction that it once was.

Tuesday I had a momentous day in teaching: the first teenage student`s erection of my career! Poor Katsayuki. It was most embarrassing for both of us. That will learn me not to make a group of mixed teenagers do star jumps for my own amusement (sometimes, doing something just because you can, is too tempting). It was possibly related to the occasion, White Day: Japan`s overtly commercial follow-up to Valentine`s Day.

Actually, romance was hardly in the air, just an abundance of chocolate and biscuits. It did give me a good excuse to tap Ken for a free gin and tonic in the George later, but also led to an overly friendly couple coming in and announcing it was their `sex time` and asking me and George if it was ours too (there was no indication that it would be, seeing as I was just a customer who happened to also be foreign and female). They were turning down George`s invitation to stay for another drink when Robert (perhaps not his real name...) made this announcement. His wife sat by him and happily laughed, although perhaps because he was with her and not some random mistress, which is what most do.

On Thursday, Sachiko (the youngest of the Menopause Sisters) made quite a uncomfortable speech for her `topic` in class. She always brings in a prepared subject to discuss, but on this day dedicated it to her two married friends, Hidako and Takako, the other two Sisters. She then dived into quite a complex soliloquoy on the responsibilities of being a wife, of caring for a husband and children, running a home and holding down a job. Under the strain of all this a wife can often forget to also be a `sexy woman` and so a man may stray. It was prompted by her own husbands`s appalled reaction to seeing her without make-up on for the first time in their marriage. She has promised to not let it happen again. I wish I had had a copy of Jack Jones` `Wives and Lovers` with me to play to her. She rounded up by firmly placing the blame for infidelity in the wife`s lap and asking the other two what they felt about it. They squirmed and refused to comment.

Last night, Natalie (a newish teacher I work with on Mondays) and I took Karen to an izakaya to help her over her recent suspected depression. She has lost a lot of weight and also been less genki and far quieter, which is difficult to gauge seeing as she`s often miserable and mute. Natalie was running late and I almost had to take myself to the George for dinner on my own as Karen had turned her phone off earlier in the week and not bothered to check it. She`s very Greta Garbo at times. This meant I was stuck with the chore of making conversation with someone who phases out, just doesn`t listen at all or asks abrupt, rude questions as if I am saying the most ludicrous thing she`s ever heard. Last night, there were at least eight times when she appeared to be engaged in a conversation, then, mid-way, asked what I was talking about. These weren`t controversial or difficult topics, just possible plans for school holidays and possibly buying a laptop.

As sorry as I am that she might be having a hard time out here (it really is not easy for girls), she is horrendous company. After Natalie came along and tried to gee her up a bit, Natalie`s boyfriend arrived. A bit of a story-teller, he hogged most of the conversation, and anything that was left was mine. Karen sat dumb in the corner watching the three of us discussing all sorts, but didn`t contribute at all, yet on the way home announced she`d had enormous fun. She`s the strangest person I think I`ve ever met.

The School of Rock

I was almost late for school again on Saturday. For some reason, I somehow always make myself late for Kitamoto school. This week, again, I confused my in-time and my start-time and was happily preparing myself to arrive at 10.30 when it dawned on me that was the time of my first lesson and so I ran out of my apartment with damp hair and my make-up half-done. It`s actually less of a problem than it would be at home, as it`s perfectly acceptable to wear enormous hair-dressing clips in public and do your make-up on the train here, so this is what I did. I`ve seen girls sat with portable tongs and their entire cosmetic collection sprawled across restaurant tables without a flicker of embarrassment.

I got to school and had 35 minutes to prepare for a six-hour teaching day, but now I know my kids better and have covered most of the topics kids learn with us, I have a good idea of how to cobble a lesson together. I have a few stock games that always go down well (if all else fails, let them play dodgeball) and had Pamela`s Pop-up Pirate to teach the kindergartners `in` and when to say please. I had to taiken two four-year-olds, which I was dreading in case their mothers came in, but as they were a little older, they were more than happy to leave their mothers outside. There is nothing worse than doing Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes with an adult audience. I have to deal with it though. I had my Monday schedule faxed to me as it had changed - I have to taiken a two-year- two-month-old baby. There is no way I get to do that without the mother. I imagine I will basically be revising red, yellow and blue with her and the kid will gormlessly gaze in the opposite direction. Maybe I`ll do cat and dog too.

Last night, Sean, Adam and myself went to another teacher`s flat: School of Rock Rob (I had snidely given him this name as he`s in a band and thinks he`s cool, but after last night I agree with him). It was a real laugh. We spent far too long looking up eggs on the internet (whether those we eat are fertilized and are ever likely to hatch, prompted by a brief conversation about a vegan teacher who absconded after Christmas). On the way, we got lost and School of Rock Dave (he is also in the band and also much nicer than I initially gave him credit for!) and his girlfriend had to come out on their bikes and find us. We were miles from anywhere, lost in Omiya park, but we did find the outside swimming pool, which will be handy when it warms up properly.

Spring is here and it`s already apparent why the Japanese word for hot is also the word for thick (atsui). The air feels heavier already, but while I am down to my spring jacket, the Japanese are still turning out in coat and gloves.

A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops

This week I finally remembered to try to get pictures of Ayano`s face. She turned four last week - fortunately, we celebrated her birthday together as it didn`t stop her coming to school - we wrote the name of her town in primary colours in her new notebook. She was more excited than she should have been and reminded me of my own love for new stationery. I must get myself some new biros soon.

Her pending maturity prompted me to attempt to capture her youth, but, being Japanese, she can`t have a camera pointed at her without doing something stupid with her hands. I hope you can appareciate than when she`s not precociously posing, she`s one of my favourites. That said, aside from Ryusuke, almost all my students have been a favourite at one time or another.

This week I am fuelled with a renewed enthusiasm for teaching. I can`t wait to eventually get home and do my PGCE and start teaching properly; not just playing with overly spoiled children. The pretentious quote is from Henry Adams who is quoted in Tuesdays with Morrie, which I`m currently reading and is partly prompting the pro-teaching sentiment. If you haven`t read it, it`s about a guy who discovers his old college professor is dying and so rekindles their old friendship. It`s reminded me of Mr O`Connell who I was never so close to, but would have liked to have been. If anyone from Haverhill sees him, do send him my regards (and a copy of the book, from me). On Yesterday, it made me cry just before one of my classes and I had to pretend to be suffering from hayfever to avert any awkward questions (I might be, my eyes are still red, 24 hours later).

That said, my teaching this week, has been below par again. I have lost control of one of my classes - only three girls, which shouldn`t be a challenge, but one is a complete princess and ridicules me in Japanese, knowing I don`t understand. I have made her cry in the past and can feel it coming on again. I also made Rei cry (he is wearing the green and yellow scarf and sticking his fingers up behind Haru`s head in the last entry).

He was, until last week, my biggest fan, but gets very excited and aggressive if we play too many games. Having given them tests and bad lessons lately, I decided I would make an effort to be more genki, but this made Rei go crazy and by the end of the lesson he was almost frothing at the mouth. He shoved Gakuto out of the way to get to the front of the queue to leave and I made him go and sit back down and wait. His fury broke into tears and as he left the school he gave me the strongest look of hate I`ve ever seen on a human being. Some of my kids have the potential to be killers.

My strangest student is having a renaissance at the moment. He has gone from strange to philosophical and interesting. The conversations about murders are over, now we are discussing religion and Marxism. Last night, I even managed to squeeze `religion is the opiate of the people` into our lesson. It`s not like teaching at all, particularly as he ignores me whenever I try to correct his English, but very enthusiastically notes down any diagrams of flora or fauna I put on the board.

My Japanese is barely coming on. My teacher on Tuesdays is utterly useless. This week, we were observed by a new volunteer who told me to ignore him, he would only observe, then spent my entire lesson discussing teaching techniques, in speedy Japanese, with Noguchi-san. When he realised I was bored and found this rude, he laughed and told me it was good listening practise. I am tempted to complain, but Noguchi-san puts so much effort into preparing his materials for me, that I feel hugely ungrateful. It would be far more useful if he didn`t do these and also didn`t explain basic structures I have already grasped in stuttering English, but it is ￥2000 for a year, so I am in no position to moan.

Last night, I met up with Kaori, a sophisticated, serious and mental girl I met at Cafe Lamp. She`s lovely, but crazily in love with an awful Canadian JET, who`s in a shit band and likes Sum 41. He and his friends wear over-sized trousers and make themselves look as ridiculous as possible while hanging out at S&M parties. It`s all very youthful. He spends a lot of time together and she reads enormous sentiment into his every action. He is very young and just seems to be exploiting the undoubtedly novel attention he is getting. He`s leading Kaori on, but because of the language difference, this was very difficult to warn her about. I had to teach her `flirt` and `have sex` (instead of `have sexed`, although I might use that myself) last night in the course of our conversation. I didn`t want to bombard her with new language. We had fun though. She brought me to the internet cafe for some stalking practise. The Graeme, her target, made her a birthday gift of old band merchandise he had laying around the flat, which she was overjoyed with, but she can`t make out the lyrics so we found his website and downloaded a song. I had to sit and transcribe. It was great, three of my favourite hobbies combined: music, writing and stalking.

After that, we went to a new izakaya for some sashimi and sours (alcopops, but somehow far more grown-up and acceptable). Kaori was dissapointed at my resolution to stay away from the George, she is hoping to go and be introduced. I am sure it won`t be long.